Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   OMG = Obama Must Go

   Fat chicks are like a moped, fun as hell until someone catches you on one...

   You and your rumors have two things in common: you're both fake and you both get around.

   I hear facebook is going to force everyone to use the new timeline. I don't think I really want to be able to go back on my posts and see how many times I had a bowel movement or sharted myself. I have skeletons in the closet to clean out!!

   Forgot to go too the gym today. That's 3 years in a row

   I love when people hurt your feelings on purpose.. Then yell j/k as they walk away...

   Today is the national change your profile picture to a picture of you picking your nose. all the cool kids are doing it. Leave your nosepicking picture up til the super bowl. copy and paste this to your profile after you change your pic!

   You ever wanted to yell at people on facebook for saying and posting stupid things? I kind of do. I need a vacation from my vacation...HAH!

   I do push ups with my eyebrows, don't be hatin!!

   when on a cooking show I think it would be funny if after the food is cooked and they take a bite, somebody spits it out and yells, "that is disgusting!"

   Sometimes I hate change. facebook changing,gmail changing,underwear changing.....why must these things have to change?

   I want all my Facebook friends to comment on this status, sharing how you met me. But, I want you to LIE. That's right, just make it up. After you commentf, copy and paste to your wall so I can do the same. I bet HALF won't read the instructions right.

   HA! heard on the radio today talking about names of movies that sound like you're taking a crap......crouching tiger,hidden dragon.....any which way you can.....just to name a few of the many...

   To beer or not to beer? thats the question but what is the answer?

   Haven't heard Obama say one thing about getting rid of Nickelback yet!!!!

   Breakfast and double expresso shot in the AM = $9 Monster Energy Drink and Lunch = $16.50 ....taking a nap at 4pm and waking up at 945pm. PRICELESS.

   My ex is spreading false rumors about me being schizophrenic. Well, four can play at that game!

   Haven't heard Obama say one thing about getting rid of Jersey Shore..

   You know if you add the word t!tty to the end of some of your sentences... It just seem to flow right in.

   When your ex says "You'll never find anyone like me" reply with "That's the point"