Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some older ladies wear red hats and meet to have lunch.

   Think you're having a bad day? I sneezed while taking a piss this morning...

   If your kids keep finding the presents you've hidden, put them in the attic. Don't forget to feed them while they're up there.

   what does a fella have to do to get a beautiful girl to come home with him and check him to tumors. I just wanna be safe!

   No one wears 'Build Back Better' swag out of pride.

   Also, psychotic people wear red hats while participating in the January 6th insurrection.

   I never understood why religion would be an excuse not to get vaccinated. I never recall God ever saying "Thou shall not be vaccinated by thy doctors".

   Non-psychotic people don't wear "Build Back Better" paraphernalia, they loot, burn and kill.

   Also, never seen anyone wear a "build back better" shirt, or bombard their cars with bumper stickers. Or bombard their homes with flags. But, that's what you would expect from the non- psychotic people.

   I've never seen anyone walking around wearing a Build Back Better hat.

   I envision a country without violence, without guns or bombs, where everybody lives in peace. And then we could invade that country and take it for ourselves.

   As a certain first lady would say, merry kressmas everyone.

   Nothing says Christmas in the South like cranking up the air conditioner while waiting for the tornado warning. . .

   you guys ever wonder who'd win that battle of the bands thing if they took the word 'battle' seriously

   My right-wing views brings all the Proud Boys to my yard, and they're like, it's better than yours, damn right, it's better than yours, I can teach you but I have to charge.

   Kentucky Fried Tornado

   Elton John is to release a charity record for victims of the Kentucky tornado disaster! "Candles In The Wind"

   No thanks. Jingle all the way sounds exhausting

   I went to the party store to buy a balloon and it was $3.25. When I was a kid that would’ve been a quarter at most. Then I realized… I guess that due to the cost of inflation

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