Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1261 of 6454

Behind every man is a beautiful woman, shaking her head.
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07-01-2016 01:37
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Finish your plate, there are people starving at Victoria's Secret.
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07-01-2016 01:36
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Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I'll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
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07-01-2016 01:35
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Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
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07-01-2016 01:30
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Now is the time when we need the calm and reassuring wisdom of people who studied abroad in the UK for a semester this summer.
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07-01-2016 01:28
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Looking at the serving size of Laughing Cow cheese and I see why the cow is laughing.
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07-01-2016 01:26
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They call cat people crazy but they're not the ones outside at 5AM every morning putting fresh dog poop into tiny baggies.
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07-01-2016 01:25
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My aunt's ex-boyfriend's mailman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.
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07-01-2016 01:23
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Go on a romantic walk with her. Run your hands through her hair. Take her out to a nice meal. So what if she's a police horse, who cares?!?!
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07-01-2016 01:22
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Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.
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07-01-2016 01:20
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A balloon gives my kids a solid hour of entertainment: 3 minutes of fighting over who gets the balloon, 57 minutes of crying after it pops.
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07-01-2016 01:19
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There's no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.
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07-01-2016 01:18
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Now that Millennials are getting older, it's only a matter of time before we have memojis.
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07-01-2016 01:16
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TSA moving operations to outside of airport. That must explain the full cavity search I received in my airport hotel room.
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07-01-2016 01:15
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Nancy Grace decided to leave CNN to spend more time annoying the crap out of her family.
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07-01-2016 01:04
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Can I get Zika from watching the Rio Olympics on TV?
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07-01-2016 01:01
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I'm starting to find apostrophes a bit possessive.
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07-01-2016 00:59
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Nancy Grace is leaving CNN to spend more time exploiting abused minors in the private sector.
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07-01-2016 00:56
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People who go on to open a second Facebook account because you've reached your maximum number of friends, get a life!
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06-30-2016 22:50
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"If you think Golden Corral is fine steakhouse dining, you just might be a redneck."
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06-30-2016 20:34
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