Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wish my typing skills were as good as the people in the movies.

   People playing Pokemon, Blink 182 having a hit song, a Clinton running for Pres., a Tarzan movie in theaters. Welcome to the 90s.

   Problems that have NOT been solved? Please join my class action suit against Vanilla Ice, who promised to solve them.

   Whats the best drug to have sex on? BIRTH CONTROL

   Today, famous author Elizabeth Gilbert of "Eat, Pray, Love" fame revealed she left her husband for her female best friend. Future plans include a sequel to the best-selling book entitled "Eat, Pray, Scissor."

   .... I have been self identifying as a woman ever since the men's room at the theater was full.

   AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.

   SUSAN: You spent our entire life savings on dogs?? Me: They're golden retrievers, Susan... They retrieve gold,, I did it for us

   Dr: "How would you say your diet is going?" Me: ... *sneezes and a Skittle come out* "Ummm, Pretty well."

   All I'm say'n, Is in the past thirty years, the baby to dingo ratio has gotten severely out of hand.

   Are you crying because you are fat or because you're hungry again?

   Authorities Threaten to Boycott Kaepernick While Rapist Brock Turner Gets Extra Police Security??

   If you LIKE a comment that attacks me on my FB you are also getting deleted and blocked. Guilty by by association.

   It's horrifying to think that Brock Turner was tried, convicted, and served his sentence in before a Taylor Swift relationship ended.

   I prefer the unfiltered version of a person.

   You can make jokes about anything, just not mexicans. That's crossing the border.

   Chicago is already doing a lot to Make America Great Again

   A heart felt "Thank You" for the birthday wishes Due to sanitary reasons, I will not and cannot accept any money that comes out of bras

   If every day is a gift, I want a refund for the crappy ones.

   Hell nah I’m not clicking on page two of any article online. It’s online. Your stupid story should fit one webpage however long it is.