Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   First day on the job and Trump is already focusing on the real issues, like argue with the media about how many people attended his inauguration.

   C'mon everybody. Ease up on Donald Trump. After all, we now finally have a First Family I can masturbate to.

   Trump got more fat women to take a walk in one day than Michell Obama did in 8 years

   Hi Honey, Can you pick up a six pack of bud, and a taco Bill on your way back from the March....ry

   It just occurred to me that Trump got more fat women out walking in one day than Michelle Obama did in eight years.

   Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It's really a cold water heater.

   "Let's have a march to show our hate and give speeches about love!" Women

   If you love someone, set them free. If they come back with the police then setting them free was probably a bad idea.

   Trump is already working wonders, all these people marching = Exercise and aiding weight loss. = Positive

   Shout out to all the brave men that had to make their own sandwich for lunch today.

   A lot of sandwiches are not being made today

   what? Donald Trump is the president??? (people without internet)

   'Half the world is made up of people with something to say but can't & the other half is made up of people with nothing to say but keep on saying it anyway.'

   I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.

   If they can't afford an extra $500 a year or $41 a month they shouldn't be buying a house. I guess another bailout like in 2013 of the FHA is more preferable. Taxpayers dont want to buy you another house which you will most likely default on.

   Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: Because he can? .... No, because he can't make a fist.

   There is nothing worse than watching the new guy at Subway make your sandwich.

   I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my spleen on my pant leg. And my liver adds a certain flair to my belt.

   That moment you realize 200+ rioters will be getting slapped with a felony and lose their right to vote. LOL

   Mexican word of the day....HIDE!