Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have good taste, I just don't have the money to prove it.

   I wish I could feel as happy as an adult,, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class

   OH there's nothing quite as funny as poster's tossing insults instead of comic relief....

   The real Troll Hunter is a stupid, little shy guy without any self-confidence who has a big flap on the internet and at home he is sitting while peeing… because his mom told himso

   User "Anonymous" you are the most annoying person on earth. If there is anything wrong or negative to say to anything you are the man! Get a life or at least a job…

   You people do realize that Trump's wife is an immigrant, right? Yes. And she is a LEGAL immigrant.

   One man's trash is another man's profile picture.

   Does anyone else think that maybe the bright side could be self-conscious?

   I can think of one group of workers who are doing much better under this Trump presidency....comedians

   WOW ... It was actually easy to go to Home Depot today.

   SNL is going to be 2hrs long this week!

   Taco Bell is PACKED today.

   Cant wait till tomorrow so the Mexican hookers go back to work.

   Wow. Dramatic drop in crime today.

   you know, you all should have went out and voted for Hillary... We damn near had the blacks back to picking cotton... smh

   You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when you first dating? Well, after 30 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".

   A woman with her tongue pierced reminds me of Microsoft. When you can’t do it right, throw more hardware at it.

   My doctor prescribed me some suppositories for my nausea. They’re not the best medicine in the world, but they’re right up there.

   My wife said she wanted to watch Naked and Afraid. So I got naked and she got afraid. FML.

   Never mix Viagra with Iron supplements. They cause you spin around and point North.