Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Telling people "Don't go out and by up all the toilet paper" will cause people to go out and by up all the toilet paper.

   i’m at the age where I have to stop myself from throat punching people who say they’re sooo old when they turn 30

   How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?

   I know there are idiot Savants, but are there Savant idiots ?.. Because lately stupid people sure do think they are smart !

   Young people will wait longer in a self-scan isle at the grocery store so they don’t have to deal with humans, but old people will wait longer in a regular lane so they don’t have to deal with computers.

   Florida traffic is a confusing mix of NASCAR rejects and people old enough to have owned a Model T.

   I have nothing to update. I'm just making it look like I'm doing something at a party so people won't talk to me.

   I think I have this figured out .... politicians are a bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for the rich people by telling the poor people that the "Other" rich people are the reason they are poor.

   An easy way to tell people you don't like them is to send them a Xmas card with glitter on it.

   It’s gonna be hilarious when the people who thought that Biden was going to forgive their student loans realize that he gave them a tax increase instead.

   I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

   I wish people in this world would put as much effort into earning respect as they do demanding it.

   Social distancing has taken all the fun out of avoiding people.

   This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.

   Last year I joined a group for antisocial people. We haven't had a meeting yet.

   Don't piss off old people. The older they get, the less Life In Prison becomes a deterrent.

   I don’t know who’s worse, the people who sign their cats’ names on Christmas cards, or the cats who refuse to sign.

   I’ve noticed many people are much more attractive wearing a mask.

   I like people. I just don't want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.

   People say "If you want loyalty, get a dog," but my dog would abandon me in a dark alley for a pizza crust, so maybe loyalty has layers.