Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people

   Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today.

   hates when people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

   would be more willing to accept people for who they are if they were more like how I wanted them to be.

   If only you people got as passionate about other attrocities like rape, famine and corruption in world leaders as you do about one person's death. #First-worldPriorities

   Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?

   Since there are more Chinese people than any other race on Earth, does that mean they have normal eyes and we have big crazy googly ones?

   If you love her, let her go out drinking with her friends.. If she calls you drunk, she is yours.. If she turns off her cell, she never was.

   Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right and pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it. "

   My plan to impress people with big words has failed egregiously.

   When I see some people on Twitter/Facebook, then see them in person, I realize, ohhhh they use the new skin cream called Adobe Photoshop.

   Let's make fake tan orange people an official race so we can discriminate against them properly.

   I'm eating nothing but comfort food tonight...cookies, ice cream, pizza. I don't even care, but I think I'm starting to like food way more than people.

   BEST ADVICE: Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them.

   I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.

   Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.

   Well, I guess people in Arkansas don't have to worry about bird flu this year...

   Ahhhhhh. I love SPRING! Bright sunshine, slight breeze, about 70 degrees, and I am inside telling you people about it! See how much I care?

   Saves lives each day... because there are people out there that need to be shot, and I don't shoot 'em!

   People say I have an obsessive personality, but after thousands of hours of research spanning nearly a decade, I can find no conclusive evidence supporting this.