Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If I ever write a book it's going to be about "People who waste other people's time by reading about their nonsense" but I probably will never write one so..... never mind.

   Life consists of avoiding people you have seen naked, while trying to find new people to see naked?

   People who think they can run away from their problems have obviously never farted on a treadmill.

   When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life.

   Some people don't have issues… They have a whole subscription

   Learn from your mistakes? It is far better to observe the stupidity of other people and learn from that.

   How did people get their blessings before Facebook was around for them to type Amen and share?

   You can still have sex during the quarantine as long as you stay 6 feet apart and there are less than 10 people, right?

   Long story short don’t use sewing scissors to trim your nose hair if you’re drunk

   I want an app to mute nearby people.

   RIP Gene. You made people laugh even when you had no lines to speak. Your face was so expressive.

   Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.

   FYI: Apple's app store had an app called "I Am Rich." It cost $999.99, did absolutely nothing, and 8 people bought it.

   If you hold down the "Like" button, you can now leave different kinds of reactions and create so much more drama in people's lives who take Facebook too seriously....

   Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it!! .......You know the same could be said for condoms!!!

   The most valuable contribution social networking sites have made to my life is showing me how ridiculous it was to have ever been intimidated by or feel less than the people I went to high school with.

   Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. Thank god I dont have a house!

   People tell me that I have a unique way of lighting up a room. It's called arson and those people are called witnesses.

   Don't you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?

   During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.