Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I'm starting to believe that most people wouldn't be that much different if they were turned into actual zombies....

   resisting the new profile page.. Read the signs people! Today, your profile page.. tomorrow the world!

   do you think the creator of Snuggie is laughing his *ss off because he convinced a nation of people that its cool to wear a robe backwards?

   You’d think the people in front of me at this self-checkout were trying to operate a nuclear reactor.

   Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.

   99% of being an adult is basically just not being mean to people you don't like anymore

   Come on people! It's 2015...you should know by now how to NOT use the 'Reply to All' in an email.

   I show people I love them by not spending time with them. It’s the best thing I can offer.

   If you ever think your invention idea is stupid and won't make money, simply remember how many people bought a Snuggie.

   I tell people to have a great weekend at noon on Mondays hoping they won't talk to me for the rest of the week.

   hates people who try to straighten their glasses with grimaces

   At night, I secretly delete people on your page while you are asleep that might be potential flirters. You call it insecurity, but I call it job security…you're welcome!

   I can't even imagine what people did at red lights before cellphones.

   Facebook keeps showing me my ex "people you may know" Yes, FB, "People I wish I didn't know" quit taunting me on Vday!

   Why do people lie and cheat? Because they know its easier to get foregiveness than permission.

   I sometimes feel alone and insignificant, especially when people turn out the lights while I'm still in the bathroom

   I'll probably be too drunk to remember the apocalypse

   Greeting cards are for people who mean every word someone else said.

   219 facebook friends but only 60 numbers saved in my cell phone am I missing something here? who are these people?

   awkward moment: browsing Facebook friend suggestions and seeing people you used to be friends with who have unfriended you... Hey, you asked me!!!