Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   We need to start naming hurricanes after rappers. People might evacuate quicker if they know hurricane Ghostface Killah is coming.

   I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.

   Hey,,, People who drive old retired cop cars........ NOBODY likes you either.

   I don't cut in front of people whenever I'm waiting in long line, that's rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.

   If you drink enough, your brain starts photoshopping people.

   You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up

   Wondering why people with food stamps drive escalades?

   To all the people who think they don't need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?

   Dear food commercials, Nobody eats in slow motion with their eyes closed. Sincerely, normal people.

   Next time you try talking to a group of people who claim they can't speak English, just say, “Ok, I'm about to punch everyone who's shoes are untied.” You'll be amazed at how many people will look down.

   My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.

   A gunfight broke out at the BET Awards and yet some people still don't believe in stereotyping…

   I'm dedicating this status update to all the statusless people out there. Stay strong.

   In life, it seems the group of people who are easily offended and the group of people who are easily confused tend to be the same group.

   Why do people refuse to vote in elections because they say their one vote won't matter, but will gladly spend money tons of money buying Powerball tickets despite virtually no chance of winning?

   It's March 4th. I like today's date because it's like I'm telling people what to do.

   worried that my latest Goodwill donation will result in homeless people looking like sluts from the 90s

   thinks cell phone companies need to stop pretending it's so great that you can "check Facebook right from your phone." For crying out loud people, this is 2011, I can update Facebook from my toaster!

   My doctor told me to start killing people. Well, not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing!

   It would be easier to keep my New Year's resolution to accept and forgive people if they'd stop being the same jacka$$es they were last year.