Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When you say you don't drink, everyone insists you have one. When you say you don't eat meat, everyone tries to feed you steak. But say you're broke... and suddenly no one offers anything.

   If a case the Clap spreads,wouldn't it be considered an outbreak of the applause?

   RIP Jimmy Buffett. The Hurlburger's in Paradise.

   If you don't watch where you're going, you might end up someplace else.

   Yeah. 5 assholes.

   You are one big kunt.

   Marriage tip: If your wife tries to tell you something and you don't understand her use the phrase, "Honey, I hear you, but I'm just not listening." This will cause your wife to re-iterate what she wants you to know in a more concise manner.

   Had 2 activate a old flip phone you have 2 press every letter 3 times 2 form a letter which makes it hard 2 text & it's really slow which makes it hard 2 surf the web & see the news & all I can do is just live in the moment, & this is awesome!

   Steel chair vs everybody

   There's only like, 5 people here. 2 of us, Gary Koenig, and the fat crybaby cuck who take breaks between masturbating in between rounds of COD to count his "Magic" card collection and make boring Canuck posts. At least Gary and us are original, loser lol

   Social Networking: Facebook has degraded to displaying women's behinds playing golf and bowling?

   Take THAT, ya J€w baztidz.

   If Silly Putty had only applied itself better in school, it would have been Sensible Putty.

   This dog has spent the past ten minutes trying to bury his doggy biscuit in a blanket. I get it, lil buddy. I'm trying to bury my milkbone too.

   Can't wait to school you brainwashed, 3" d*ck, subjugated sheepies again today.

   Storage? Really? You really are a 3rd world troon.

   Sucking balls yesterday

   I be fancyin’ a wee bit O’ Fine Irish Ass...,, I mean..,,, Lass.

   Loser huh??? I'm not the one sitting in my mother's basement bullying and making fun of other people and trying to remain anonymous about it! If you're going to bully someone, why don't you show yourself???

   I'm really tired of the LED headlights on some cars. I'm really glad you can see 92 miles ahead, but the rest of us are blind now.