Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Not going to happen! I'm the king of lame comedy and I love it!

   We would probably be better off if Y2K had actually destroyed all computers back in the year 2000

   how do you tell the difference between a gator & a croc? gator is a mask while croc is a shoe

   Woke up today feeling gay! That was close

   Me: I've been feeling unwell. Can I take a one day leave? Boss: When I feel sick, I kiss my wife and my sickness goes. Try it! Me: I tried it. At first your wife hesitated, but then she enjoyed it. Boss: you're done - fired!

   I have a question, can you contact me at aim-duque15@m.spheremail.net ? Cheers!

   If your profile mainly consists of photos featuring you and your 60 year old friends at bars and restaurants, you've failed miserably.

   Stinky

   Usha and Melania always look so unfulfilled. I'd pay good money to watch Zelensky tag team both of them.

   Walmart's Mexico unit said on Thursday it would invest more than $6 billion in the country this year

   You can tell It's a Chink even when they wear sunglasses.

   Jeeziz. Walmart's Mexico unit said on Thursday it would invest more than $6 billion in the country this year.

   Turtleneck shirts were invented by a guy whose girlfriend gave him lots of hickeys.

   It's wash day, and we're bringing the Maytag.

   Some mornings I just want to punch people in the face before they could even speak because I know they’ll definitely deserve it later in the day !!

   That was a fun way to kill 10 minutes. See you dumbass sheep losers with no creativity whatsoever tomorrow.

   Contemplation is merely the precursor to engaging in the activity.

   I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently "A way out" wasn't the right answer.

   F*ck those ju baztids.

   Did you develop your personality in a car crash?