Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If Santa keeps a record of naughty/nice all year is this week undocumented?

   Facebook should have notifications like: "Karen and Steven took your post personal. Do you want to unfriend those people?"

   Robocop is just a Terminator that hunts minorities.. And dogs

   Can't wait until November 2nd when we all turn our clocks forward and gain a extra hour of sunlight! And in other news I just want to be a social network influencer.

   I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.

   So ripping off taxpayers of billions is ok, but Menards rebate is bad?

   I'm going to eat straight corn for supper tonight so I'll have something for the bird feeder in the morning

   Hello, I would like more information about this. Kind regards, aim-duque15@m.spheremail.net

   Didn’t think we’d see the day where Van Jones was the voice of reason…but it’s here.

   GaryKoenig... hear any dry jokes lately that you can steal? Walker.

   Can't wait until march 9th when we all turn our clocks forward and gain a extra hour of sunlight! And in other news I just want to be a social network influencer.

   Shhhh hear that??? (Hears crickets). That's the sound of your audience to your bad jokes.

   If I have learned anything from this year, it is to never, ever say, "Well, at least it couldn't get any worse".

   The weather forecast: Snow possible, anywhere from 0 to 145 inches. Maybe. Could start at 5,6,7,8,9 O'clock. Maybe today or maybe not. Possibly none.

   I love that I have a positive mental attitude. I'm positive. I'm mental. And I definitely have attitude.

   I'm looking to date

   Sometimes cheating can lead you to the right person😑

   Jason11972 asked me if I wanted to meet him outside. Not really in the mood for a blowjob right now, but thanks anyways buddy.

   Says the guy who keeps insulting random strangers on the Internet and who won't even reveal himself.

   Poor TeaJae. Still a loser.