Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Eli's coming, hide your hocker, Eli's coming, hide your hocker.

   big butt

   Deowent 12345

   My boss asked me to write down two things I liked about my job. Apparently lunch time and quitting time are not the right answers.

   Everybody's a little bit crazy... It's just that some of us aren't afraid to take it out for a walk in public.

   Lochore meadows

   Restaurant word

   What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes!

   Wall Street closed at 41,488.19 +674.62 on Friday. Keep clutching those pearls, ohh

   Just to recap, the "caught and convicted of trying to have s*x with kids" score for 2025 is - Rapeublicans more than 10 D*mocrats: 0 Drag Queens: 0

   I know you're Canadian, daddyf**ker.

   I bought a 15 pound turkey yesterday. He's fun to have around but he's kind of noisy.

   Hey guys, if you don't tell your woman she's beautiful, a Pakistani on Facebook will.

   The only reason there was a tiny bump on Wall Street on Friday was because U.S. investors were desperately looking for bargains at the end of a horrific week. Please don't post about Wall Street unless you know what you're actually talking about.

   RFK Jr. told people on F*x to use vitamin A & cod liver oil to prevent or cure measles. Now kids still have measles but they took so much vitamin A, hospitals are treating kids with liver damage. Funny! 😀

   Titan sun

   After an extremely tense argument with my wife, the house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Things got a lot worse when I saw the grenade fly towards me.

   That wasn't a microphone that you dropped. That was a d*ck. Pick it up and keep sucking. Gotta earn that $5. Don't make your daughter do all the work 🤣

   it an amazing how they come up with things like “carbon emission tax” just so they can tax us? Another 20 years, they will have devices attached to our asses to measure carbon emission  and tax us more.

   The name Lacrosse has a hidden meaning; it's indicative of the two activities that are 'cross combined' and comprise it: badminton and butterfly collecting.