Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I upset my wife the other day. I accidentally passed her a glue stick instead of chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.

   'Sleepy Joe' oversaw the biggest stock and job gains in US history while 'the business genius' crashed it all in 45 days.

   Just here for the lefticle meltdowns... and it is glorious!

   When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting "Eye of the Tiger" for motivation.

   Give this a th*mbs down if you're in the m*g* cult and realize you've made a huge mistake and want out but now its too late lol

   Psssssst Сейчас мы потратим несколько минут, чтобы узнать, кто вы и где вы живете, и поиграем с вами.

   If your girl says 'keycat' instead of 'cat' you're probably going to jail...

   Just heard that Lady Gaga will be performing a concert in outer space this summer. I think it's really sweet of her to do a concert right in her own hometown.

   Halloween

   Cafe word

   Thanksgiving: Being thankful for what you have and those you love. Black Friday: Trampling those you love to save 15% on something you don't have. Cyber Monday: "Hey, babe. Sorry I killed your dad Friday. Here's an iTunes gift card to ease the pain

   To all the people that couldn't stand me this year, just letting you know next year is going to be even worse.

   Dear 11-21-24 6:48, no one is trying break into any bathrooms its a bathroom not fort knox

   Poke her in the coong-coong here we go.

   Kinda ironic that the head of united healthcare dies form a shot. 🤣🤣 too soon ?

   Not sure what Dems love more now….TDS…or TDA.

   My angel sent from above. <3

   Not sure who's gonna win this years presidential election, but two people who are going to be in my cabinet will be, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam....

   I told the bank manager that I wanted to open a joint account. He asked who with? I said, "The customer with the most money".

   Elden ring