Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Cop jokes AREN'T FUNNY. So give it arrest..

   Kids got tired of fighting in the house and online, so we got a pool.

   iuyyuiyuyuyuyuyu8yuyuyuy yyuyuy ggggggaaaaaffffffsasaasdsyr

   Man injured in a bizarre peek- a- boo accident...He's in ICU.

   Have you hugged an imbecile today? Me neither. Come here.

   I'm your president now.

   "The woke mob' aka acknowledging that people different then you exist

   2 days ago I gained 800 followers in one day just for tweeting a cleavage pic Unbooblievable

   We would like to offer a heartfelt THANK YOU to the people of Greenland for not welcoming JD Vance and his hooker wife.

   My super power is being able to sing along to Pearl Jam without knowing a single word

   I’ve got chicken fingers and a McRib, a few more parts and my monster will be complete.

   If someone doesn’t reply to my text I can only assume they have fallen down a well and will get back to me as soon as they can

   Our childhood didn't prepare us for the amount of time we were going to say F^CK as adults

   I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag..

   Jeffrey Dahmer's bologna had a first name , it was Steven !

   S.H.I.T......So Happy It's Thursday!...Some of you just got to get that mind out of the gutter...

   The officer asked, "You drinking?" I said, "You buying?" And we just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.

   The pool supply sales lady told me I should shock my swimming pool once a week, so I keep showing it my senior picture.

   The fact that Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to the Canadian people.

   Now that I've gotten older I've come to realize why Bigfoot stays away from people.