Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "We want to restore the Department of Justice to an institution that focuses on fighting law and order." White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt Hey look. The first truthful thing the bimbo's said yet.

   I had a dream I was at work. I woke up and called in because I ain't working twice.

   This recipe calls for leftover bacon… Might as well be asking for dragon tenderloin or Bigfoot steaks… jest sayin

   The difference between jam and jelly is I can't jelly my dong in my wife's blow hole.

   Welcome to social media! A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

   EVER HAVE TO POOP SO BAD, YOU PEE SECOND ?

   Ladies hide your shelter from homeless men it’s officially fall season

   messageicon This administration is going to be looked at as the worst administration in the history of the United States. The entire country is being laughed at, and it's become a complete embarrassment

   DOGE cancelled a $600k grant to Southern you and A&M college. It was going towards researching menstrual cycles of transgender men. SMH it’s like an SNL skit at this point.

   I know a guy in Calgary who keyed a piece of garbage Tesla last night outside a bar lol Great job!

   My mom's dead. lol

   Marriage tip: When your wife is sitting in her chair, scrolling through Tiktok, just ask her why the house has not been cleaned up yet and why she is sitting there, like a bum, doing nothing!

   Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and eggs that we would throw them at the houses of our enemies.

   I've got people who love me because I'm me. I've got people who hate me for the same reason!

   Whoppers all around for Martin Burger King Day.

   If I block you on social media and you see me in public, the block still applies in real life.

   If you play The Grinch backward, his heart shrinks after interacting with people and that’s a lot more accurate.

   Ending my year pregnant! Starting my year pregnant!

   You're traveling through another dimension -- a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's a signpost up ahead: your next stop: Facebook.

   When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard work, I am no longer young.