Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

   We have to stop this recent culture of people telling us they're offended and expecting us to give a f**k.

   Some people walk the walk and some people talk the talk. I drink the drink.

   I'm tired of people seeing me and telling me they called me and I didn't pick up. "Yes, I remember ignoring that".

   How come people that should never be allowed to reproduce have the most kids?

   Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

   Time magazine named "protestors" as people of the year. Here's an idea for the Ass bags at Time. If you want to honor a group of people, how about the members of Seal Team Six!!!!!

   What has the world come too? I over heard some people talking. A 15 yr old girl said "I'm pregnant" and I think it was her aunt who said "Congratulations". Are you serious? Congrats? How about you just ruined your life, you dumbass wh0re

   I wonder if gay people ever say things like "Oh my god that is SO straight."

   likes saying YOU'RE WELCOME really loudly when people don't thank you.

   “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”

   You're never too old to throw random sh*t in people's shopping carts when they aren't looking.

   I can't stand those interfering people who bang on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"? Damn firemen.

   Don't tell other people your problems. 90% of people don't care, and the other 10% are glad you have them.

   Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don't stop long enough for you to reply!

   Most people spend their time trying to find someone to sleep with, instead of finding someone worth waking up to.

   WORDS OF ADVICE: Whenever she says "I think we should see other people", what she really means is that she's been seeing someone else behind your back for weeks and has now grown tired of the charade.

   Facebook should change it from "Friends" to "People I've made eye contact with".

   It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends.

   Dear people who think Romeo and Juliet was a romantic love story.... It was a relationship between a 13 yr old and 17 yr old that lasted 3 days and resulted in 6 deaths.... Sincerely, Everyone that has actually read the story!