Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Distancing from people & not going out. Drinking too much coffee in the morning. Eating and smoking too much all day. Watching too much tv. Drinking too much at night. Then the pandemic struck.

   When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her and yell "DON'T DIE ON ME!" and then people always clap when she wakes up.

   I cannot believe all of these people are out! -Me when I’m out

   Why are the people on soap operas always CEOs? Nobody works at Walmart?

   to the people who put antlers and a red rudolph nose on your car for christmas, you can’t fool me I know that’s a car

   Do people really expect to have a satisfying experience on a website that ends with “.gov”?

   I like people who can tell you exactly which live music gig caused their early onset hearing loss.

   ‘Why do birds suddenly appear’ is my favorite song about a group of people giving me the finger while I’m driving.

   Thanksgiving is a good time to give people the bird and tell them to stuff it. Happy Thanksgiving. :-)

   It’s time for a new holiday, where people give gifts they don’t want.

   A great man once said, "If you divide the people because you want their votes, you will never be able to unite them if you win the election".

   After six months of listening to people talk with masks on, I finally understand what Charlie Brown’s teacher was saying

   With the pandemic ending, the people who yell at others about masks are in danger of never feeling important again.

   I need a leaf blower, but for people.

   People that cheat on their taxes disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 28 dependents in...

   The people that are trying to make the world worse never take a day off, why should I? Light up the darkness.

   Too many of environmentally friendly philosophers in the world and not enough people willing to bend over to pick up a piece of garbage.

   The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.

   We are gonna have to retire the phrase “avoid it like the plague” because it turns out people don’t do that.

   Countries should not send athletes to the Olympics as a reward, but should send stupid people as a punishment. Your annoying coworker? Ski jumping. Natural selection as its best