Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Don't worry about people from your past, There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

   Stumbled into bed late last night. "You're drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."

   I hate people that are conceited. I am so much better than them.

   It's amazing how fast you can get drunk when you hate everyone around you.

   Unless there's a new app that lets you shoot people, that phone holster looks ridiculous.

   Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.

   When I'm drunk, my phone should say "are you sure you want to send this text?"

   People who remove the the vowels to text..why don't you do us all a favor and remove the consonants too?

   Maybe the people that say money can't buy happiness are just buying the wrong stuff?

   The people at MapQuest must think everyone is an idiot. Is it really necessary to start the directions with how to get out of your own driveway?

   I HaTe PeOpLe WhO WrItE tHiS wAy

   Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors.

   After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it's true calling: helping people wink online. ;-)

   People better watch their P's & Q's before I start handing out F's and U's...

   People who cancel their Facebook account are the real heroes.

   People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.

    Coffee (n.): a magical substance that turns "leave me alone, or die!" into "good morning people of the world".

   People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.

   I don't get these "my body is a temple" people. I prefer to think of mine as a "bar & grill."

   People would be way more pissed if that guy ate a puppy's face