Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Not sure who's gonna win this years presidential election, but two people who are going to be in my cabinet will be, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam....

   I renamed my toilet Jim instead of John.. people are really impressed when I tell them I go to the Jim several times a day

   RFK Jr. told people on F*x to use vitamin A & cod liver oil to prevent or cure measles. Now kids still have measles but they took so much vitamin A, hospitals are treating kids with liver damage. Funny! 😀

   If you don't like your coworkers, go to work dressed up like a bear. Tell people "don't poke the bear"

   You know how we smack your household appliances when they’re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.

   People in 1985: “In 40 years we will have flying cars and a cure for cancer. 40 years later: What’s the interest rate on this Crunchwrap Supreme?

   After these responses, Canada is definitely ghey. Especially people from Montreal and Turdronto.

   By 11:59pm on 4/8/24, a lot of people are going to look ignorant. It will be those expecting to be raptured or everybody else.

   In a thousand or so years, archaeologists are going to dig up tanning beds and think we cooked people as punishment.

   People say that laughter is the best medicine…your face must be curing the world!

   With all the technology today, how is it possible that the "mullets make you look like a total tool" message has not made it to all people?

   Some people bite their tongue, I have to bite my fingers to keep from replying to some stupid reply.

   The only thing shocking about people on the red carpet now is when they touch something metal

   People who make their cars come to a complete halt on top of a railroad tracks to look both ways to see if a train is coming need to stop!....I mean go!

   The problem with quotes by famous people you see on Facebook is you never know if they're authentic or not. Albert Einstein,

   glad all they boyfriends and husbands and People are away

   I wonder if the people paying $300 for a colon cleanse even know about Taco Bell's $4.99 deal.

   getting married and then Divorced is like a Casino.... ..you go in all excited and optimistic, you stumble out broke, drunk and talking to yourself.

   Hundreds of thousands of people will protest tomorrow in 1,100 cities in all 50 states. Can't wait to watch from the comfort and safety of our awesome country 🥳

   He always bragged about his "large" crowds. Almost 5 million people turned out today across your sh*thole country. He finally has those great numbers he always wanted!!!!! I wonder how many of those people voted for him? HAHA