Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   thinks that Facebook is like a college dormitory. No matter the hour, there's always someone up. Also, someone is drunk.

   Ok, I'm ready for rich people problems. I've mastered broke people problems, so I'd like to move to the next level please.

   It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

   When I was a kid we didn't have Facebook. We had a drunk uncle.

   If you beat up homeless people they can go to the hospital where they will have a warm bed and good food.

   If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.

   I've heard of people being "generation x" or " generation z"..... if I had to label my family, we would be "generation AA" we go to meetings about it

   10 million people share the same birthday as you. How special does that personalized horoscope feel now?

   I WONDER HOW MANY VAMPIRES HAVE BEEN RUN OVER BY PEOPLE WHO BACKUP JUST USING THEIR MIRRORS.

   I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved

   The obesity problem is so bad in the U.S. that the 2 out of 3 people surveyed count as 4 out of 5!

   It's wild that Santa can go into people's homes and eat their cookies. But when I do it, I have "issues" and need "help".

   I’ve been asked why I like dogs more than people. Short answer: My dog has never included me in a group text.

   "You people are so stupid." ~ D. Trump. (to all his fans)

   It's so strange to think before Facebook, all this nonsense just stayed in people's heads.

   Old people at weddings always poke me and say, "You're next". So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

   It must be tough being born on April Fools' Day. You're never quite sure if people really mean it when they wish you 'Happy Birthday'.

   If people make you sick, try cooking them a little longer

   Imagine telling Denmark they "don't do enough" for people in Greenland, when BOTH countries don't have means of effectively defending themselves AND YOURS DOES😂

   Nothing owns Libs harder than day-drunk-texting top secret war plans to reporters. “Cry harder” posts coming in 3 2 1