Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If you say "Why does the military get a day but gay people get a month" only during june and not in January, February, March, April, May, July, August, September, October, November or December, you don'yt care about the military, you arre just homophobic

   People complain about gas prices but pay for gym memberships and don’t even go.

   Ten years ago I didn't forward that text to 10 people in 10 minutes. That's why my life sucks now.

   So if the Eagles play a concert at the stadium in Philadelphia, how do people know if they're going to a concert or a football game?

   Walmart is opening dental offices in some of its stores. I'm sure they will have an express lane for people with 10 teeth or less.

   I’m always telling people I’m down for anything when in fact I mean, not after 8 PM, food should be involved, and it also depends on the weather, the parking situation and how tired I am

   I’m drinking coffee right now because people think you’ve got a problem if you drink vodka on a Saturday morning.

   Imagine being an “alpha male gun expert” and thinking a person can get hit in the ear with an AR-15 round and not have a scar. Completely set up and an absolute hoax. There's already talk from people who were involved.

   People who cheat on their taxes disgust me...this is not the world I want to raise my 32 dependents in! 😉

   People everywhere are now referring to Pete Hegseth as “WhiskeyLeaks” and we're kinda mad that we didn’t think of it first.

   I'll never understand people saying "Rest In Peace" when someone dies. Of course they're resting in peace. They're dead.

   I'm amazed at how some people tend to overthink things without actually being in possession of a brain.

   You gotta hand it to short people. They're too small to reach it by themselves.

   Repupubes fought tooth and nail to stop people from handing out bottles of water while in line to vote, but now they are totally fine with a billionaire offering them money for votes?

   Many people think that Tuesday Weld is named after the second day of the week. But if that was true her name would be Monday Weld.

   I think my cleaning people are stealing my paranoia medication.

   Dear paranoid people who check behind the shower curtain for murderers: What exactly is the plan if you find one?

   Tr*mps faith advisor says if you give her $1,000 you'll get 'supernatural blessings'. You people actually support and believe this sh*t. You like getting conned. And this? Is why we make fun of you.

   Remember when we had to smack the TV because it wasn't working right? I feel that way about some people.

   We really are loving these stories of people who voted for him, who lost their jobs. And they go on the news, and they cry about it and they worry about their families. This, has been our favourite thing to watch. It personally gives me a raging hard-on.