Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   There are people who think the moon landings were staged, the holocaust never happened and the earth is flat. Yet they hang on every word on the message found inside a fortune cookie.

   Some people need to forget about the fountain of youth and start looking for the fountain of common sense!

   The vast, vast majority of people on the planet recognize what a piece of human garbage he is. When are you going to wake up?

   A Karen just yelled at me in a parking lot that dressing up as a hobo for Halloween is offensive to the homeless people. But I was just wearing my regular clothes.

   When people got too hammered in the 70s: “He’ll be alright, just needs to drive it off”

   I finally realized it... People are prisoners of their phones. That's why they are called cell phones.

   Do you suppose Ghosts believe in People??

   Social media has taught me a few things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world. Second, they are greatly outnumbered.

   Jellyfish have survived 650 million years, despite not having a brain. This gives so many people hope.

   I love it when people get mad and speed past me, only to end up at the same red light.

   When I'm behind a slow car I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see it isn't my fault.

   I figured it out. Instagram is for people who read books but only look at the pictures.

   DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.

   I love sarcasm. It's like punching people in the face but with words.

   People who worry about what kind of planet we're leaving for our kids might want to consider what kind of kids we're leaving for our planet.

   What I've learned from many years of driving: People who drive faster than me are obnoxious and people who drive slower than me are stupid.

   IMAGINE - AN ENTIRE COUNTRY SO IGNORANT THAT THE PEOPLE WILFULLY GIVE BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN ORDER TO ELECT RICH CRIMINALS TO RULE OVER THEIR LIVES AND STEAL THEIR MONEY, BUT BELIEVE THEY ARE FREE. Lmfao

   There are now people who believe in the flat earth theory all around the world.

   Some people exercise every day. I'm watching a show I don't like because the remote fell on the floor.

   Stop trying to please people who don't like you and embrace the joy of being the most annoying person they've ever met.