Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I have a problem with gingerbread people living in houses made of their flesh, but I promised not to bring it up again and ruin Christmas again this year.

   I'm not in favor of anyone destroying other people's property. But I have to say I love seeing a lot less Tesla Cybertrucks on the road.

   Why does the Old Testament prohibit people from eating pork? Pigs are such friendly looking animals. It's goats that look like the spawn of Satan.

   Dancing: The musical activity for people who can't play an instrument.

   Do people actually believe in their ridiculous conspiracy theories, or are they just trolling?

   Most people want a perfect relationship. I just want a hamburger that looks like the one on the menu.

   Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

   There are people who think the moon landings were staged, the holocaust never happened and the earth is flat. Yet they hang on every word on the message found inside a fortune cookie.

   Some people need to forget about the fountain of youth and start looking for the fountain of common sense!

   The vast, vast majority of people on the planet recognize what a piece of human garbage he is. When are you going to wake up?

   A Karen just yelled at me in a parking lot that dressing up as a hobo for Halloween is offensive to the homeless people. But I was just wearing my regular clothes.

   When people got too hammered in the 70s: “He’ll be alright, just needs to drive it off”

   I finally realized it... People are prisoners of their phones. That's why they are called cell phones.

   Do you suppose Ghosts believe in People??

   Social media has taught me a few things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world. Second, they are greatly outnumbered.

   Jellyfish have survived 650 million years, despite not having a brain. This gives so many people hope.

   I love it when people get mad and speed past me, only to end up at the same red light.

   When I'm behind a slow car I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see it isn't my fault.

   I figured it out. Instagram is for people who read books but only look at the pictures.

   DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.