Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   COPY THIS AS YOUR STATUS AND SEE WHAT PEOPLE RATE YOU. | 1. Perfect | 2. Perfect | 3. Perfect | 4. Perfect | 5. Perfect | 6. Perfect | 7. Perfect | 8. Perfect | 9. Perfect | 10. Perfect | 11. Perfect | 12. Perfect | 13. Perfect | 14. Perfect | 15. Perfect

   How long before the Karoke version of Lady Antebellum's "Need you now" hits bars and taverns. I can just imagine drunks trying to sing it now, "It's a quart... quarter after, uh one, I'm a... I'm a little drunk, and... and I need... you now."

   Why do people disect every word a pro athlete says? I'm pretty sure none of them are Rhode's Scholars...

   Its about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from Social Media.

   I'm gonna start a new website called Punchender where people/companies can raise funds to NOT release a terrible product. Example "If we don't meet our goal, we will release super bouncy death ball!"

   The news just reported that Loving County Texas is Coronavirus free! I mean there's only 102 people that live in that country, but still that's something to celebrate!

   Being constantly preached about things is no reason to hate a person or group of people.

   thinks rescue workers are secretly happy when people who don't wear seatbelts are 'thrown clear' from the accident

   my "people you may know" is filled with douchebags who deleted me, oh no does this mean I'm the pretentious ahole?

   I hate it when random people calls me up and asks, "Did I call the right #?" ........"No buddy, you called the Left one!"

   How sad it must be when people have no choice but to believe the nonsense that scientists have devoted their entire lives to deceiving you...

   Labor day this year has been canceled, because people that are with out jobs have forgotten what it's like to have to go to work.

   What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside? A lift

   People that say the last word in this sentence is my bugaboo.

   Some people identify as non-binary. That means there are two categories: Binary and non-binary. Therefore, even if you identify as non-binary, you're still binary.

   The best way to make people remember you?Borrow money from them.

   When people say they’re speechless I always hope they mean it but they usually keep talking

   If I ran a swamp tour in DC there’d be a lot of people that wouldn’t make it back to the boat launch.

   When I diet, I lose weight in my face and middle first. So basically after a month or so, the only thing people see are my arms, legs, and moobs.

   "Keep your nose out of my business" as a whole new meaning towards people who can't keep their nose in their masks.