Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   The only thing that makes marriage different from being on death row is that married people wish they were dead.

   Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.

   Teenagers hanging out sober act like adults drunk.

   Hey ghetto people. Us educated people like the following. CUZ=Because. WIT=With. #=If your older grow up.

   keep your lips sealed....even deaf people can read.

   Met a girl tonight at the Fox and the Hound she said she has 3 tattoos. She said if I get her drunk enough she'll show me. She said she has a bird in her hand and two in her........

   People are just waiting to get offended. I'm offended that you're allowed to breathe. :-)

   People told me I need to go out more often!But the true is I need to shut up more often !

   They should put a busy/engaged signal on the chat thingy so people can know I am already chatting to 10 other people.

   Why fat people like chips chocolate and fast food ..it makes them HAPPY..!!!

   If you people truly believe we're in danger then you are a f-ing moron.

   Reality is for people who don't eat bacon!!'

   I hate it when people are at your house and ask, “Hey do you have a bathroom?” Nooooo not at all, we all dump in the yard

   Hangovers only happen to people who stop drinking.

   Every time my woman sends me to the grocery store to pick up a cucumber, I always buy a jar of Vaseline, so people don't think I'm a vegan .

   There are 361 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up. Unbelievable

   This weekend I got so drunk, my shadow is now in a baby stroller drooling

   I wake up and people are asking me if I'm dead? Just because I'm 27 does not mean I'm going anywhere. (STILL-MUCH-ALIVE)

   To many environmentally-friendly Facebook philosophers and not enough people willing to bend over to pick up a piece of garbage.

   wonders why people think squirrels are cute. They are after all, a rodent like a rat except they have a fuzzy tale.