Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?

   sometimes when i'm drunk I choose the Chinese option on the ATM to challenge myself.

   Non-religious people are idiots

   Homeless people dont have it too bad; I mean.......they dont have to pay taxes, WORK, pay bills, hell.......they can freakin sleep anytime they want!

   Dear Facebook: Stop suggesting people I may know. Yes I know them. But I don't like them.

   Do you think baby teddy bears sleep with stuffed people

   I get drunk and bid on ebay!

   fall in love with a person for their brains and not their looks. Eh, save that sh!t for ugly people

   Am I the only one who wants to have a heart attack when they hear people making that irritating throat scratch sound in their throats.?

   the news asks why people would join IS? one word - obama

   Most people have fears of spiders, snakes, heights, clowns, etc. But I'm mainly scared of diseases. Expecially that one you get from marriage, Onegina...

   I wish some people were like Etch-A-Sketch's...when you shake the sh*t out of them they disappear.

   There are 361 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up. This is getting ridiculous.

   The problem with talking to people on the phone is that they expect you to pay attention.

   What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

   I'm so drunk I could watch Fox News.

   Four people on Google give a restaurant a bad review so you won't eat there. But millions of people report bad side effects from a vaccination and you keep going back for boosters. And bringing your kids.

   why do people say something is to die for? If you die, you can't eat it...

   maybe you're suffering from O.D.D. Obnoxious Drunk Disorder....Ok, now lets do body shots!

   alcohol turns people into the little engine that could...i think I can, I think I can