Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   "Did I ever tell you I played sport in high school?" - fat people

   People up north whine way more about cold winters than we Floridians do about the hot summers. It may have something to do with feminine swimwear.

   "I don't wanna go there, We should never go there". - Fat people singing about the gym.

   Thre are two types of people who annoy me here on Facebook; (1) Ugly people who constantly p0st pics captioning about how beautiful they are. (2) Beautiful guilty of the same crime.

   Why do people always pick their noses when they're at a stop light when everyone can see them.

   When dropping off prescriptions for two people with the same name...make sure the dates of birth are correct. Apparently my 12 year old is on Blood Presure meds now...

   I really wish some people would do the ice bucket challenge with petrol.... As they where smoking

   Cop: buzz driving IS drunk driving... Swarm of bees in driver seat: this is bullcrap.

   am I the only one worried about the the fact that the amount of people that are taking craps in water. THIS CAN'T BE HEALTHY PEOPLE!!!!!!!

   You can tell how well people cut their grass,, by the way they color things in,, on "Draw Something."

   Remember those people that made lame jokes like "I miss my wife so I backed up and tried again"? I miss them.

   Amy Chavis Why do people write like this? It is really hard. "1 Wr!t3 L!k3 d¡s cu$ I r3a@lLy c@nT $p€ll"

   Does anyone know the over under on people getting trampled to death at the Great Wal-Mart of China next week?

   How come when your wife is pregnant, people rub her tummy and say "congratulations" but no one rubs your balls and says, "good job"?

   X-Box Kinect - Just one more thing people in wheelchairs can't enjoy.

   "Throwing acid is wrong - in some people's eyes."

   M.I.T. is making an iPhone app to help blind people text?.... Wow,, the LAST thing we need is a bunch of blind a-holes texting while they drive.

   I was driving home the other day and saw the most beautiful rainbow, and then I had the disturbing thought, that gay people use this symbol to recognize each other. I think that is Ghey...

   Things that interrupt sex: 20s: drunk roommate walks in on you 30s: kids walk in on you 40s: spouse walks in on you 50s: foot cramp

   know why McDonald's restaurants always smell so bad? 'cause the people that eat there poop there.