Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five each other because it’s negative.

   The death of Friends star David Schwimmer this afternoon came as a huge shock to me, but it's made me realize how this s ite is a primary source of news to many people. Which is why you just believed me that David Schwimmer is dead.

   Funniest thing about all of this is the fact that some people still stick up for him.

   If Barbie isn't a slut... Then why do people have to buy her boyfriends!?

   The only reason people hate Nickleback is because they HAVE heard them play. Nickleback's idea of rock is like Avril Lavign's idea of punk - or Will Smith's idea of rap.

   With Christmas just around the corner, it's important to remember to never trust electronics buying advice from people who have Beats headphones.

   The most unpleasant people on Earth: Old, wounded, narrow-minded and religious types.

   I hate when people can't be original when they post a status. They find something funny and clever then pass it off as their own. Copy/paste this status if you believe in originality.

   considers obese people to be dyslexic anorexic

   There is a special place on earth for people who recognize that religion is bulls hit.

   women are like parkingspots . All the good ones are taken... and the rest is for handicaped people ...

   When I die, I'd like someone to keep updating my Facebook status just to freak people out... "Wow, who knew they had wi-fi up there?"

   Dear people who think its cool to flip off the camera when getting their pics taken; Why are you so mad? Did someone sodomise you as a kid?

   Test driving a new Lexus, put a red bow on it & pulling into random people's driveways honking.

   do some people have common sense!We are classmates then you send me a request to be your fan!not even friend,FAN!stupid twat!Go jump off a cliff!

   People who say, "Never mind" after bringing something up really piss me off. Why did you bring it up in the first place?

   I hope some brilliant people find a cure for every major disease, because I refuse to walk 5Ks.

   Good night this half of the world, good morning to the other half... and good sunny day people from Mercury!

   if poop were people.... then I just sh#t Lou Farrigno

   Forget Al Qaeda, negative people are the real terrorist.