Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People that use iPhones are justa bunch of sheep that believe whatever Apple says. *Pulls into church parking lot*

   A lot of people say the bible is the greatest story ever told but I've always been partial to Back to the Future.

   I'm sure the same people questioning Cutler's toughness are probably also wondering why Congresswoman Giffords isn't back 2 work yet!

   If you are drunk, and you get bitten by a mosquito. Since alcohol is in your blood, I wonder what that does to the mosquito...Things that make you go hmm...Be Breezy

   What do people in China call their good dishes?

   I hate the people who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

   God takes care of drunks and babies...do you know how lucky that is for drunk babies?

   How is Justin Bieber 1 of the 10 most fascinating people...

   likes For ALL You PeOpLe to STOP liking every little THANG on Facebook! on ♥.

   Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

   I need to take a time management course. How am I supposed to run drugs, steal jobs AND rape people? Help me Donald!

   I can't believe they let people own guns. Public toilets are all the proof we need that humans have horrible aim

   How do people know Dinosaurs roared if nobody ever heard them do it?! ...Maybe, They Meowed

   When I was a kid people used to cover me in cream and put a cherry on my head, it was tough being brought up in the gateau.

   people who write songs as their status are creeps, they are weirdooooss, they don't know what the hell they're looking for, they don't belong here...

   Even Prime MInister Abe of Japan was surprised by how tiny Donald Trump's hands are, and he comes from a nation of tiny-handed people.

   Science puts men on the moon. GOVERNMENTS fly planes into buildings. Religion has nothing to do with it except tricking people into thinking it was religion.

   instead of supporting the stop snitching movement, some people need to support the stop doing dumb sh*t to get arrested movement.

   You know when you are about to say something but that little voice of reason prevents you from it. Explain this to me, people like you fascinate me.

   hopes the walls stops moving before his manager notices he's drunk