Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I think it'd be more fun if cops pulled people over with red and green lights this time of year

   I wish birth control could work retro-actively. Some people should never have been born.

   I wonder if the people who jerk off to anime p 0rn cry the entire time, or just after

   Some people are so strange. If you've seen a posted joke before... don't comment, just ignore it and move on.

   When people walk away I check to make sure my phone is still there.

   Its Funny How Some People Worry More About What Others Think Then What They Feel . . [ </3 ]

   wonders if homeless people go trick or treating dressed as bums

   "Why can't more people be just like you?" I wisper into the bun of giant meatball sub.

   have my Siri set up as a British Male voice so I can pretend I'm Nightrider or make people think I have a Butler .

   If it's fat, drunk, and slow, it must be Chicago

   In what world does a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese serve 4 people?

   I've I heard people want to boycott Beauty and the Beast because there's a gay character in it. It's okay for a teenage girl to fall in love with a rabid, hairy dog, but you can't have a gay person in a movie?

   Nearly 7K people die every day in the US alone. If you aren't one of them, thank your God, STFU and keep grinding!

   Its strange to think that decades from now, people might be dressing like US for Halloween, like they do for flappers, or hippies.

   I always tip the delivery guy an extra $5 if he doesn't look around for the other 4 people all this pizza would feed.

   I hate it when people ask me what I will be doing in 5 years. Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision.

   What do normal people do with their time?

   The hospitals are running low on plasma and need donations. Apparently people bought more TVs for Christmas than they expected so they need to make more.

   Some people should shove sticks up their a*ses like lollipops cause they are nothing but f**king suckers!

   Everyone around me Getting Married OR Pregnant, But am getting DRUNK!