Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Only trust people who like big butts... they cannot lie.

   Oh god please let next year be a better year and let it bring hopefully an end to Obama's drone strikes killing innocent people.

   You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

   God I hate people who always bring God into everything.

   Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

   "But millions of people are going to end up losing their health insurance!" -What the critics said when Obamacare was being developed.

   Maybe if we tell some people that their brain is an app they'll start using it.

   punctuation is important. Take; Jesus, people are crazy or Jesus people are crazy. OK, that's a bad example but you know what I mean...

   Be careful on how you pronounce "Schwarzenegger." You may upset some black people around you

   Why do people think Memento is so much better than Dude Where's My Car? They are basically the same movie.

   Don’t trust people who avoid the sun. They’re shady.

   When Australians count sheep it's similar to normal people counting how many people you've had sex with.

   Oh it's Cinco de Mayo....that's why I keep seeing cars with 22 people inside back through a red light with a traffic cam, family portraits!!

   On the 12th Day of Christmas Facebook gave to me,... 12 people I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 bad status updates, 9 Farmville requests, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites,... Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, ...4 m

   Guns don't kill people. Oh wait. I guess they do. Sorry for doubting you, guns!

   Free to a any home (good or bad): Prime Minister David Cameron & Chancellor George Osbourne. If interested don't contact the people of the UK... Just take them. PLEASE!!!!

   Why Are there always TWO bathtubs? And they're outside? ....... Wrong,, Wrong,, Wrong,, These people don't need a little blue pill,, they need counsuling....

   i'm offened that people get offened

   That moment when you are so drunk that you swerve to miss a tree, but then you realize its just an air freshener hanging in your car

   When people simply scale the fence to the White House it really goes to show just how utterly pointless Donald Trump's border wall will be.