Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   To the people who have smoke alarms: Where’s your sense of adventure?

   Welcome to backhanded compliment club, it's so nice meeting people who don't care how they look

   therapist: you suffer from social isolation me: oh no therapist: you just need to talk to people me: OH NO

   I just want to be as happy as most people pretend to be on Facebook.

   I might be a 42 year old woman but I identify as a really angry 97yr old man who tries to hit people with his cane just for saying hi.

   Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

   OK ...... so the People have spoken. Question: "Is anybody listening?"

   Trying to find a name for your child really exposes how many people you have met in your life that you now hate

   there's something about the people on Doomsday Planners that makes me think they're serious

   Go home feelings, you're drunk

   Scorpio, Libra, Pisces, Cancer, Virgo, Leo: Selfless lovers. There's nothing they wouldn't do for the people they love. Including hiding a dead body....

   Do people who say "You gotta fight fire with fire" not understand how fire works?

   Even if I had an antidote for fixing stupid people I won't cure them, why should I kill the entertainment of my life.

   No matter how hard life gets just remember there are always people out there who love you, if you pay them enough.

   Has just realised why his day has been full of people unable to express what they want, failing to consider anyone other than themselves and with unrealistic expectations. Happy International Women's Day everyone.

   I’m going to change my name to Benny Fitz…so when people add me on Facebook, it will say;..You are now friends with Benny Fitz.

   The time I was so drunk I forgot what a bar was and called it the Beer Desk.

   If loving the mole people and helping them enslave humanity is wrong I don't wanna be right.

   What jugglers do best 1. Juggle 2. Make people who can’t juggle feel bad for not being able to juggle

   Had to go to the grocery store to buy some more supplies and couldn't help but notice how clean some people's hands were who smelt like they hadn't showered in weeks.