Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

   I hate when people talk about "slutty" clothing. First of all that's sexist, and second it should be called "sexually activewear."

   People that say " I hate to break it to you" can't wait to break it to you!

   Trying to find a name for your child really exposes how many people you have met in your life that you now hate

   Hiding people's status' on your news feed is the best way of sayin' fck you're annoying but, I don't wanna delete you cuz' you'll notice.

   there's something about the people on Doomsday Planners that makes me think they're serious

   Go home feelings, you're drunk

   Scorpio, Libra, Pisces, Cancer, Virgo, Leo: Selfless lovers. There's nothing they wouldn't do for the people they love. Including hiding a dead body....

   Do people who say "You gotta fight fire with fire" not understand how fire works?

   Even if I had an antidote for fixing stupid people I won't cure them, why should I kill the entertainment of my life.

   No matter how hard life gets just remember there are always people out there who love you, if you pay them enough.

   Has just realised why his day has been full of people unable to express what they want, failing to consider anyone other than themselves and with unrealistic expectations. Happy International Women's Day everyone.

   I'm so old I just sit around and look at Facebook all day.... like younger people do nowadays.

   What jugglers do best 1. Juggle 2. Make people who can’t juggle feel bad for not being able to juggle

   Had to go to the grocery store to buy some more supplies and couldn't help but notice how clean some people's hands were who smelt like they hadn't showered in weeks.

   With the stay at home order in some states, I wonder how soon it will be before we start hearing about people going stir-crazy like Jack Nicholson in the movie The Shining.

   Yes I took a knee before the game on Sunday. It took three people and a promise of a chocolate chip cookie to get me back on my feet again.

   I’m going to change my name to Benny Fitz…so when people add me on Facebook, it will say;..You are now friends with Benny Fitz.

   The time I was so drunk I forgot what a bar was and called it the Beer Desk.

   If loving the mole people and helping them enslave humanity is wrong I don't wanna be right.