Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Made up words that people use to sound smart: Supposably, Irregardless, Exspecially

   There are two types of people in the world - those who have had Dinty Moore's Beef Stew and those who have not.

   If heaven is gonna be full of religious fanatics n 'holier than thou' people, I am not going...

   Its only when you get to know some of these people who smoke that you realise that Cancer can sometimes be a solution not a problem.

   wondering why people who work at Tim Hortons are SLOW? I mean come on are you that screwed up in which you actually have to ask someone if they "would like a tray" for those 5 coffees they ordered. Use your brain people!!!

   people ask me....why you keep your wallet in your front pocket...I say....I like walking towards money not away from it

   Dear God, its me again. If you are not busy making rich people richer, can I have a minute of your time please?

   Lots of people know that when a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. What they don't know is every time a mousetrap goes off, an angel gets set on fire.

   Hangover 2 people Hangover 2.

   You reach an age when you become very critical about people parking near your house.

   Why is it that so many people now want to kill a good guy to avenge the death of a bad guy?

   How can anyone think 295 people dying is funny?

   People who wake up at 2am to have sex, what’s that like?

   the problem with being nice to people is you end up getting invited to their wedding.

   OK ...... so the People have spoken. Question: "Is anybody listening?"

   To the people who have smoke alarms: Where’s your sense of adventure?

   Welcome to backhanded compliment club, it's so nice meeting people who don't care how they look

   therapist: you suffer from social isolation me: oh no therapist: you just need to talk to people me: OH NO

   I just want to be as happy as most people pretend to be on Facebook.

   I might be a 42 year old woman but I identify as a really angry 97yr old man who tries to hit people with his cane just for saying hi.