Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I don't get why people drive old cop cars! Damn it, I had to chug that beer quickly..oh well I'll just open another.

   Those people with central air conditioning think they are sssssoooooo cool.

   It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you know the truth then that's all that matters

   Made up words that people use to sound smart: Supposably, Irregardless, Exspecially

   If heaven is gonna be full of religious fanatics n 'holier than thou' people, I am not going...

   wondering why people who work at Tim Hortons are SLOW? I mean come on are you that screwed up in which you actually have to ask someone if they "would like a tray" for those 5 coffees they ordered. Use your brain people!!!

   Its only when you get to know some of these people who smoke that you realise that Cancer can sometimes be a solution not a problem.

   drunk dialing but luckily my mom stopped me. Thanks MADD (motha's against drunk dialing)

   people ask me....why you keep your wallet in your front pocket...I say....I like walking towards money not away from it

   Dear God, its me again. If you are not busy making rich people richer, can I have a minute of your time please?

   Lots of people know that when a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. What they don't know is every time a mousetrap goes off, an angel gets set on fire.

   Hangover 2 people Hangover 2.

   You reach an age when you become very critical about people parking near your house.

   Why is it that so many people now want to kill a good guy to avenge the death of a bad guy?

   How can anyone think 295 people dying is funny?

   People who wake up at 2am to have sex, what’s that like?

   the problem with being nice to people is you end up getting invited to their wedding.

   I hate when people talk about "slutty" clothing. First of all that's sexist, and second it should be called "sexually activewear."

   People that say " I hate to break it to you" can't wait to break it to you!

   Hiding people's status' on your news feed is the best way of sayin' fck you're annoying but, I don't wanna delete you cuz' you'll notice.