Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Like if you think unemployed poor people are mean, unlike if you think affluent people are vicious.

   Some people run marathons, I watch them on my couch. Indiana Jones on Syfy!!!

   Drunk Midgets....i'm pretty sure this is what people come to the internet for.

   it was a JOKE that I had my status as female on facebook....i have changed that...now can people please stop calling me "chicky babe"

   Bald people stop stressing. Your scalp is just taller than your hair.

   Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10............................... It's actually pretty elementary meth

   It's my birthday on St Patrick's Day and I'm gonna be drunk all weekend! LET'S GET READY TO STUMMMMBLLLLE!

   Chemists tell great joke, but they don't get a reaction because all their people skills Argon. OMG... that's Sodium funny, right? NA? Okay.

   People don't want to go outside when it is raining.. Scared your fake will wash off?

   pondering why in the hell people type so much in their status box

   hates it when overweight people who don't take care of their body give weight advice! Look- when you're so fat that when you order a water-bed a freaking blanket is layed over the Pacific Ocean, do not come preaching nutrition to me.

   sometimes feels like going up to people who have just been seated at a restaraunt and say "Just to let you know, the last person that sat here threw up on the table"...

   I bet those people that mow their lawns just after it rains are the same people that wash their car just before it rains.

   I delete the recent history from my profile for the same reasons I don't go to church. It gives people the wrong impression and it makes Jesus roll his eyes.

   People aren't too smart these days. If someone is fighting so hard to keep their tax returns a secret, that means that person has nothing to hide!

   What if Jesus was real and not really from heaven but a man from the distant future and the people considered his technology as miracles?

   Obama to visit Disney World on Thursday. I guess they are planning on expanding and hiring more people or he just wants another vacation

   wondering if fish pussies smell like people!?!

   There are two types of people in the world - those who have had Dinty Moore's Beef Stew and those who have not.

   Let's get drunk and cuddle, coz I want to cuddle your brains out tonight.