Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Just once when they interview a serial killer's neighbor I'd like to hear them say "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, I told people for years he was gonna do this"

   Sometimes I see an old girlfriend on Facebook and post on her wall, "Great pictures of you and the family!" But what I really want to say is "Remember that time we got drunk and f*cked at that party?

   I spend a lot of time wondering what normal people do in my situations.

   Physicists have yet to explain why 200 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only three registers will be open

   Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.

   Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

   I don't confront people. I was raised right. I talk stuff behind their backs. It's called manners.

   Beautiful people and ugly people basically look the same by 80. So hang in there ugly people!

   People who try to get on camera in live news report backgrounds clearly haven't been punched enough in their lifetime.

   The girl I'm dating has a kid who just started high school. She wanted ME of all people to have a talk with him about "the birds and the bees" We talked for about 4 hours, and I gotta tell ya, I learned A LOT.

   Sometimes people suck the life out of me like there's a prize at the bottom.

   If I am ever killed by a koala bear, I hope whoever finds me just tells people I was killed by a bear.

   Nice try fat families with stick figure people on the back of their van

   If there weren't geeks in this world, then there'd be no cool people. I'd like to thank all the geeks.

   Just saw two people together at a restaurant and neither of them were texting anyone. Weird.

   thinks he might be addicted to Facebook because he's seeing a lot of random people around the city, that he's already seen on Facebook....

   Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions....

   Cell phones ruined pushing people in the pool.

   I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.

   I wake up relatively happy every morning. Then I interact with other people and things change quickly.