Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I want to become a social media terrorist and take down facebook, myspace, twitter, and instagram. 95% of the people in this country would be in shambles and actually have to interact with real people again...

   PUA-FEN, people use acroynms for everything nowadays

   always tells people they'll miss me when I'm gone and they say, "How can we miss you if you won't leave!"

   I try to surround myself with happy, positive people, but sometimes they just really piss me off.

   Sometimes You have to realize that ......( some people can stay in your HEART without being in your LIFE ) ......

   Cop: Sir, did you know that one of your tail lights is burned out? Me: Well......I certainly wouldn't be driving drunk in front of a cop, now would I?! I'll get that fixed right away.......Thanks

   I will not listen to people who burst my bubble because they are always negative. But I will listen to people who I know have my best interests at heart even if they burst my bubble.

   can't stand people who say "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

   Alzheimer's can't be all bad. You get to meet new people every day

   Sometimes when I'm bored I take red and blue M&Ms and walk up to random people...And try too convince them that one of them will get'em out the Matrix.....

   Trump: I love making people who already hate me hate me more.

   You always know when random, clean, friendly people come talk to you in the street it's because they want you to join their religion.

   Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in company fridge. Today I had a prawn sandwich named Kevin.

   Hey people going to church, the gym or eating plants; Please keep it to yourself and stop telling us about it all the time.

   ↖↖↖↖↖↖↖↑↗↗↗ ↗↗ ↗ ←←Fake people everywhere→→ ↙↙↙↙↙↙↙↓↘↘↘ ↘ ↘ ↘

   There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count & those who can't.

   When people ask What Would Jesus Do, I remember how he hid in that cave for 3 days after people were so mean to him. That's more my speed.

   Silly Balloon Boy Dad. The only way you can get away with lying to the American people and toying with their emotions is to be a politician.

   Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

   i like it when theres lots of snow on the road it gives the cops an excuse for me to be swerving all over the road when I'm drunk