Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Theres 2 types of people in this world.. People who have been bitten by the Easter Bunny and people who haven't..

   Gee, I wonder what idiot hired a guy who had to be “terminated in 11 days from a position he was totally in capable of handling.” What kind of moron gives people government jobs that they have no skill set to handle?

   i wonder how mant people us FaceBook to establish an "Alibi"?!?!? Hmmm , off to work!!

   You know you're drunk when you're at the bar. And everytime you're trying to find the bathroom feels like the first time you tried to find the bathroom

   You are proudly invited to my BBQ party on the 4th where a large gathering of people will proudly display their dependance of alcohol on independence day!

   I got so drunk last night I though a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food.

   People are judging you right now. you dont need everyone 2 like u. Its your people that matter. Those who dont give an F change the world. The rest do not. Do things that you consider embarrassing. Accept awkwardness. Refuse boundaries. Live.

   c'mon people, gays have a right to be as unhappy as the rest of us... incidentally NYs divorce rate is about to go up...

   people confuse bad luck and bad decisions way too often

   it me? Or do these new iPhone 6 issues have a lot of people bent out of shape?

   I saw a homeless drunk playing with his d*ck on the street today. Thought of you.

   People who use tea bags only once, who the f cuk do you think you are? Bill Gates?

   Don't feel bad, alot of people don't have talent either

   When people say they have a bad headache, that implies they have had good headaches. In that case, its not an ache at all is it?

   when you get gifts, people say "its the thought that counts"...my cousin got me deodorant...does she think I smell bad?

   Only people in long distance or stalking relationships should be allowed to use the "IT'S COMPLICATED" option on their relationship status.

   Why do people think you'll remember somebody if they say the name twice? "You remember Dave?".. "Dave who?".. "Dave, Dave."

   Based on intelligence, people are classified into: 1- Genius 2- Smart 3- Average 4- stupid 5- Married.

   Just want to thank all the people who reviewed "Star Wars" on Netflix. You guys swayed me, I'll check it out

   It's smart how Freddy Krueger never attacked a community college. He knew he couldn't hurt or kill people whose dreams have already died.