Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   wondering why most people begin to hide their friends list in facebook!

   There are only two kinds of people in this world: Doctors and Patients

   Today sucks but I really shouldn't complain. I've got it good compared to...well, dead people.

   throwing fertilizer at people who need to grow up

   People keep telling me I'm a dinosaur because I still use a landline telephone. I've been wanting to get rid of it for a good while now but It's really hard because it matches my abacus.

   There's a serial killer in the house! NORMAL PEOPLE: "Call the police, let's get out of here!" IN MOVIES: "Let's go find him!"

   [high school reunion] Him: I'm a doctor Her: I'm a lawyer Him: What do you do? Me: PEOPLE VALIDATE ME ON THE INTERNET..

   500,000 people signed up for Obamacare and the McRib is back... You do the math.

   Anyone who thinks that overweight people are slow moving, may I remind you of how fast Santa Claus knocked out those gift deliveries a little over a month ago?

   I love when people comment on my winter weather from warm climates... "It's 80 here" and your inside on the Internet? Losers always lose

   Some people say I’m condescending, which of course means I look down on people.

   I know people are going to do what they do regardless of what I say I do...and I've come to the conclusion that people are just ignorant!

   Dear inventor of the double doors, we thank you!........your biggest fans, Fat People

   There are two things a HUMANS can never hide: The fact that he's drunk, and the fact he's in love.

   BREAKING NEWS: Barack Obama knocked down by reversing car. The American people are asking the driver to come forward.

   Fat people need to accept that being fat isn’t a crime. It’s not a disease. And being called fat isn’t an insult.

   Its called a WATER HEATER people. Not a hot water heater!!

   Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a d*ck.

   Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America

   People b**ching in the express line about the lady writing a check will be p!ssed when I try to barter a sheep for this 6-pack of Bud Lite.