Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I like to do nothing for people. Then when they say " Thanks for nothing", I say It was the least I could do.

   Good things come to those who wait. Well.. except for the people on death row.

   Don't you just want to write on some people's Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?

   Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people's backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.

   Lots of people out sick today. There's that new virus going around-- Unused Sick Days, apparently it's very contagious.

   I don't like people who can't make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.

   Hey, people who have those long ass names on FB like, "Kiesha HatersGonnaHateButI'mJustGonnaKeepOnBeingaBoss Jenkins," CUT THAT SHlT OUT!

   If a cop pulls you over for talking on your phone, just tell him you were reporting a drunk driver.

   If you love someone, let them know often. Because you might not be able to say it again. Also, same thing works for people you f*cking hate.

   Some of my best relationships now are with people who I dont have relationships with anymore.....

   The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.

   There should be a separate social networking site for people who post inspirational quotes.

   People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.

   The two kinds of people at every party are those who want to go home and those who don't. Trouble is, they're usually married to each other.

   Today I tried the whole Yahoo vs Google thing. I typed "Why is there." Yahoo gave me "Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball" and Google gave me "Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push ups on my front lawn." Google wins yet again

   Remember when people would literally get mad at you if you didn't put them in your top 8 friends on Myspace?

   loves when people say "I tell it like it is." Really? How about you tell it like it isn't just to shake things up a bit?

   wonders how people who work in BubbleWrap factories get ANY work done at all.

   Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

   I hate to brag, but it's the most effortless way to enlighten people about my magnificence.