Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   "I wasn't that drunk!".... "Dude, you were asking my cat about the weather!"

   People who confuse then & than Remember this... I'd rather kill you, then eat a cheeseburger

   Arriving 5mins after the liquor store closed has taught me all I need to know about why people inexplicably jump in front of freight trains.

   You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps

   while fixing the big Thanksgiving dinner remember to cook with wine like all the fancy tv chefs say....you'll be too drunk to realize what the family is saying or doing

   There are now way too many people on this planet. We need a new plague.

   I really hate to make you people cry but Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from Kanye West.

   Some people are so clueless, they couldn't buy a clue at Clue-mart on National Clue Day with a fist full coupons for a free clue.

   Bird Box looks exactly like A Quiet Place but instead of covering their mouths, they cover their eyes. Wait, if monkeys have taught me anything... will the next movie be about people who have to cover their ears?

   You know that game where your hands made a church and steeple, and you opened it up to see the people? Why the hell didn't it bother anyone that the people were all being hung from the rafters like a mass suicide?

   Wow, watching the People in the Commercial Rock Climb, Scuba Dive & Live Life to the Fullest ............... makes me Wish I had Genital Herpes too.

   You're like the Tampax string hanging out of people.

   I think some people just shouldn't be allowed to reproduce because of their IQ level.

   A lipbite can be sexy, unless you're bitting your upper lip. Wonder how many people just tried that.

   I think I now also push people away on a subliminal level.

   The only honest people in the world are small children and drunk people!

   Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy duct tape to shut people up, so what's the difference?

   Getting into an argument with a stupid people is something you will never win at even when you do. Like tic-tac-toe or global thermonuclear war.

   I hate to say it, but...Times change, seasons change, jobs change, lives change, and even weather changes. But people never do.

   Some people can kill two birds with one stone.... I on the other hand can kill 2 pigs with one bird!