Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I hate liars, hypocrites, & people who take advantage of people who care about them

   I smoke cigarettes so that people will walk up to me and talk about death.

   so drunk , I thought my toothpaste was astronaut food....

   Guns don’t kill people, George Zimmerman kills people!

   My Love is Like Hell! My Family is like Heaven, My Friends are the Best, & I'm Completely Drunk!

   Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."

   I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me -- they were cramming for their finals!

   Three fun thing to do at Walmart: 1. Paint Hitler mustaches on all the smiley faces. 2. Have the manager page Mr. Harry Bawls. 3. Dress in hopes of being photographed for "People of Walmart."

   ..doesn't understand people who say "by now.." As in "by now you should have children,.by now you should be married..by now you should.." Sorry but if "by now" i'll "pay later".

   So April 7th is National Beer Day... I want to get "speaking in cursive" drunk.

   People with really bad attitudes should move to Colorado and Be Happy And Worry!

   I Hate Fake people! Go back to China where you were made!

   People that are voting for Trump because Clinton is a liar are the same type of people that smoke Camels because Marlboros cause cancer.

   If Facebook shutdown people would be in tears, shoving pictures of themselves in front of mirror in bathrooms and showing on people's faces yelling "DO YOU LIKE THIS?! DO YOU?!"

   for some people religions are like farts. Yours is good, but everyone else's stinks.

   me people need a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up

   procrastination is when people say goodnight to facebook.

   you can easily geta smartphone these days but hard to find smart people.

   People say I'm too condescending (that means I talk down to people).

   When you're truly beautiful you don't need to remind people in every other selfie caption.