Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Random friend: Wow...how do you have so many friends on Facebook? Me: I'm a fricking train wreck and people like to watch.

   Even I'm not dumb enough to believe Twitter crashed itself in order to protect people.

   Why does it seem that most of the women and men who rant at people just minding their own business are overweight, have missing teeth and uneducated?

   My drunk Uncle Jerry was runner up for Trump's new campaign manager.

   If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.

   If you want somebody, just tell them. The only games you should play with people are strip poker and naked Twister.

   "Oh, he drinks too much." - boring people talking about fun people

   People have a tendency to become like they are treated. If they are not like all the others, you might want to treat them differently.

   Thinks the invention of the credit/debit card, homeless people must be pissed.. do you take visa does not sound as good as a couple quarters bouncin in a cup!

   Some people's noses and feet are built backwards. Their feet smell and their noses run.

   Do you ever wish you can transport people that annoy you on an island where they are forced to fight to the end & it's all filmed live for your enjoyment? New reality show pitch...what do you think?

   always wondered why people with no teeth often buy the most expensive toothpaste.

   People say cherry blossoms are beautiful. I see death by allergies. Achooooo!!!

   There are people who actually send you Candy Crush invites on Sunday? Really? On the Lord's special day? The evil is strong in you.

   How I feel when you complain about your boyfriend to me is how Yahoo feels when people use them to search for Google’s homepage.

   To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick's Day. . .

   It's a damn shame that all the people who avoid me can't just come to terms with being in love with me.

   I often wonder about people who say : Feels like I am wearing a diaper. I am curious is that something they practice in private. . .

   Online classes are just a way to get people to go to class without wearing pants.

   Other people: Wow what a perfect morning for a run! Me: Wow what a perfect morning to go the hell back to sleep.