Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Smoking does not actually kill you. There are plenty of old people in Europe.

   "Of course I was driving under the influence, I'm too drunk to walk!"

   Excuses: Elementary School - "He started it!" Middle School - "It was a dare!" High School - "I was drunk."

   People used to protest things... Now they just join Facebook groups named 1,000,000 strong against ___________ .

   wondering why they call it Joy dish soap when people hate to wash the dishes?

   "Old people need to urinate all the time... That's why they call it the golden years"

   Screwed-up people settle fights through violence. Screwed-up people start wars that could kill millions. Normal people settle fights through cookies, cakes, and pies. Normal people are fat.

   Everyday I hear people say they would to take a break and get some fresh air. So, this year I'm wrapping some up in boxes and giving as Christmas gifts.

   I don't get how people get eaten by sharks....I mean how do they not hear the music?

   Manipulating people for your own gain is wrong. Please like if you agree.

   I don't care if people talk behind my back. It puts them in a better position to kiss my azz.

   Alcoholism is a disease. That's why I feel entitled to use the handicap parking spaces when I'm drunk.

   watched JAWS backwards last night - it is a good movie about a SHARK that puts a boat back together (with it's mouth) and puts people on the boat, and then throws-up people until they open the beach!!!

   Alcohol does not make you FAT....it makes you LEAN.....against tables, chairs, floors, walls, and ugly people.

   I was kicked out of the Nintendo thoughts group for my idea about a Wii game for disabled people. Apparently Wii-Tards isn't a great name.

   If you're a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?

   I never really understood why people drive around the parking lot looking for a spot right near the door, only to get out and walk around the mall for 5 hours...

   I know Canadians are generally boring people, but canadian25 you need to be arrested and charged with killing funny on this platform.

   I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.

   wonders if ghost say "I see living people"?!