Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Ever notice how unaware people are of the world around them? No?

   a drunk was hauled into court.”Mister,” the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.” “Great,” the drunk exclaimed. “When do we get started?”

   RIP to the millions of people who die every day and don't get recognized

   I heard they're going to be opening up dentist offices in Walmart. They are even including an express lane for people with 15 teeth or less!

   Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."

   I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren't you wearing pants" look.

   I get this funny feeling that people are reading the things I type here but maybe I'm just being paranoid.

   A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.

   Hot girls always have their statuses "like"d by dozens of people no matter how stupid the statuses may be.

   Can people just go for a bike ride without having to dress up like some Lance Armstrong clone?

   I've never met a group of people more worried about their "privacy" than the people on Facebook that share EVERYTHING about themselves.

   only two people with the combined IQ of a salad bar would name a kid NorthWest

   how many people have gone to bed so angry with someone you've pretended to have a nightmare, just so you can roll over and punch them in the head

   People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.

   At home: I want to go out, I want friends. When I go out: I want to go home, I hate people.

   I think the best thing about the Internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort.

   "You are probably a 30-year old drunk dude with nothing better to do than play video games" - An incredibly correct kid on Xbox Live

   Guess drunk? I'm what!

   It's amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people's mistakes.

   That awkward moment when you get hung up on and you continue the conversation alone to attemp to fool the other people in the room..