Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People who use elevators for going up/down just one floor should be persecuted.

   You can be a real idiot in one field but still criticize people in that area the most.

   So many people born at the end of November. If we had a clubhouse we'd be named "The Valentine's Day Mistakes"

   My life is like a box of chocolates. Only fat people want me.

   I stopped feeling sorry for myself a long time ago. Now I just feel sorry for the people who have to deal with me.

   People who know me well know that I like to think outside the box. Mostly because I'm claustrophobic and can't concentrate when I am stuck inside a box and overwhelmed with panic.

   There are only three things in life that are certain: Taxes, Death, and people's belief that anyone cares about the weather where they live.

   Are you sure your relationship is "complication" and you're not just sleeping with too many people?

   Do you really think that people ask George Foreman all the time what to do with their idea for a new invention?

   Ever notice that 5000 chanting people is an "unruly mob" when you disagree with them, but "patriotic supporters" if you do agree with them?

   Wonders why there are so many people with cranial rectal inversion ?

   Jealous people are God's way of reminding us that we are awesome enough to be envied.

   Dear summer, Go home... You're drunk

   Before you start telling people lies, make sure they don't already know the truth. Lest you make a fool of yourself.

   So drunk I am eating spaghetti with a comb.

   It's going to hard to get out and vote if I have to keep answering phone calls from people urging me to get out and vote.

   People who always say "love is blind" need to be reminded that Stevie Wonder is divorcing his wife.

   Every time traffic policemen stops me they ask if I have drunk anything. But no one ever asked me if I had eaten anything.

   People who never had suicidal thoughts probably never touched a wet bathroom door knob.

   Taking my car to the mechanics today...if only I could just get it drunk and the problems would go away.