Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   There's this one really stupid cop that's been following me around flashing his lights ..... Doesn't the idiot notice all of the other people on this road driving the wrong way!!!! ...... Sheeeeesh

   Under People you might know, Facebook has decided to put a bottle of vodka. Well Played FB, well played.

   I called 411 and asked the operator ''I'd like the number for Larry Smith in Silver Spring, Maryland. ''There are multiple listings for Larry Smith, Do you have a street name?'' I hesitated ''Well, uh some people call me Snake."''

   Time to start saying "Happy Holidays" to people so that there is no shortage of things to complain about on Facebook. It is the season of giving, and I'm a giver.

   Thanks to Facebook and Twitter, we are now exposed and contaminated with dumb sh*t people just used to keep to themselves in their dumb heads.

   Ugly people withholding sex until the last minute coz they know it’s the only ace in their deck of cards.

   In a couple year I'm going to be one of those senior citizens that bites and urinates on people, I already do one of them....

   There are countless horrible things happening all over the world and horrible people prospering, but we must never allow them to disturb our equanimity or deflect us from our sacred duty to sabotage and annoy them whenever possible.

   Why isn't there a "media bullying"?.....oh thats right, because the media bullies people *smacks forehead*

   People without profile pictures are terrorists.

   You know how people look through medicine cabinets? I think that's weird. I personally would rather look through their fridge.

   Civilized people dont kill each other with gun's anymore.They kill each other by uploading vacation pictures on Facebook!.

   Just when I think I'm over my insomnia, people in church start singing.

   Reality is for people who can't handle science fiction.

   That camel is so vain. You don't see any humpback whales asking random people what day it is.

   Yeah I used to be a people person but then people went & F#%ked that all up :l

   Why do married people hate seeing happy single people? Please stop trying to fix me up with your friends.

   I see you're unhappily married. Yes, please, take your anger out on happy single people.

   Before you judge me for being drunk at 2:30PM on my day off, stumble a few blocks to another bar in my shoes.

   What is this compulsion to have people over your house and serve them food and talk to them? What a strange thing.