Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Here's a thought. People are worried about Donald Trump deporting illegal aliens who have a U.S. born child too young to leave behind. Solution: Issue the kid a passport and tell them he can come back when he is old enough to travel on his own.

   I am pretty sure it was more then just water Jack and Jill fetched from the hill, because people just don't come tumbling down for no reason and why was Jack wearing a crown I mean come on there is more to this story people.

   People who buy secondhand phones off amazon and eBay don’t realize they’re interacting with a lot of genitalia bacteria.

   there are 2 kinds of people in this world. Those who love beer and idoits...

   When I die, I'd like someone to keep updating my Facebook status just to freak people out… “hey, who knew they had wi-fi Down there?”

   Bald people it's not ur fault, ur simply taller then ur hair

   wants to buy skittles and randomly throw them at people yelling taste the rainbow.

   You ever hear stories of people you have never seen before and you create an image of what they look like and when you finally see them you kind of get disappointed or weirded out that they don't look like what you imagined?

   Do you remember the day we travelled in a car? I put my dog out of the window, you put ur face out, then people started shouting 'TWINS TWINS'

   Joined a gym once. 12 bystanders were injured. So much blood. 2 people renounced their faith. At night I still hear the treadmill screaming

   Why do huge people by tiny cars? They look like they couldn't find clothes to fit, so they're wearing a car.

   How do homeless people manage to get those expesive tattoo's?

   Dear People Who Thought Ignoring Me Would Offend Me, HA HA HA HA HA!!!

   Facebook now lets you put a star on the people you want to follow more closely. I was going to do that until I realized... isn't that what Hitler did?

   sorry about thoes texts I sent last night, my phone was drunk.

   "The world needs fewer judgmental people." - Some stupid idiot person, probably.

   Does Uncle Ben still make rice? Because I'm pretty sure he's been telling people he's Spider-Man's uncle... I guess he could do both..

   I've met 10 people from my Facebook and only 7 of them tried to kill me or stick things in my butt

   It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.

   President Obama said 1992's dream team was better than this year's Olympic basketball team. Which is interesting because a lot of people think 1992's president is better than this year's president