Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   freak people out in public restrooms by saying "come in" when they knock on the stall door

   Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside

   20 years ago nobody knew what gluten was, now there are only 3 people left in the world that can still eat a bagel.

   .....So people wanna live in "Avatar" world...wtf? Have they not seen "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory"?

   Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

   Try this, the next time your friend is drunk, switch his/her mom's number with their girlfriend/boyfriend's...

   From what I can tell, a Boomerang is just a Frisbee for people who don't have any friends...

   Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation

   I wish there was a place I could go to collect all the wonderful things people are giving up for Lent.

   With all these people "checking in" at every place they go to, I'm thinking Facebook is a probation officer as well as a social networking site.

   Superbowl: the only time in a year that you tell people to be quiet because a commercial is on.

   Every time I'm in a hotel and I pass by a room with a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign, I always assume that the people inside are banging the hell out of each other.

   The only people that don't make mistakes are those that aren't doing anything

   69% of people; find something DIRTY in every sentence

   I see debt people.

   Wishes some people were like Etch-A-Sketch's.. when you shake the sh*t out of them they disappear.

   gonna laugh 2 years from now when all of those people who thought the world was gonna end on Dec. 22, 2012 realize that they are still gonna have to go out and buy Christmas presents.....

   I think my girlfriend's hallucinating. She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.

   I don't trust people who like me the second we meet. I'm an acquired taste.

   It's not "When Wild Animals Attack!" as much as it is "When Stupid People Get Bit."